December 7, 2017 by

It doesn’t matter how old you are when your parents tell you their marriage is over, it’s going to be a difficult situation. Children might not have the emotional maturity level to handle divorce with the same grace and understanding as an adult learning their parents are divorcing, but it certainly doesn’t make it easier to deal with. It’s especially difficult if the divorce is a little on the nasty side and you’re feeling pressured to take sides, stressed by it, and overwhelmed with their problems. Regardless of age, you are still the child. Your job is not to sit back and deal with their problems, and there are a few things you can do to help.


Talk To Them

The first thing you should do is talk to your parents. Tell them it’s important to you that they don’t speak ill of one another to you or your kids, and tell them it’s important to you that you don’t know the intricate ins and outs of their problems. It might not be any of your business who did what or didn’t do what or whatever their problems are. You’re still the child, and their problems are not your problems. Don’t forget to tell them this before it’s too late.


Don’t Encourage Unflattering Talk

Don’t feel that you’re unable to tell your parents to stop it when they’re speaking ill of one another. If your mother is bad-mouthing your father while she’s visiting, tell her you love and respect her but will not tolerate her speaking ill of your father to you or in front of your kids. Do the same to your father, and never encourage this kind of behavior.


Love Them

Your parents are going through a difficult and emotional time, and the best thing you can do is love them. If they need to spend some more time with you to help them overcome their emotions, let them spend some time with you. They’re going to turn to you in this time of need for company, and that’s not a bad thing. Love them both, and make it clear to them that you love them both no matter how their life carries on from this point out.


Let Yourself be Upset

Good Salt Lake City divorce attorneys encourage the children of their clients to deal with their own feelings. It’s not easy to see your parent’s marriage end. It’s the end of an era. It’s a change in all of your lives. It’s going to become a problem during the holidays, on birthdays, and on family trips. You’re still splitting your time with them even though you are a grown adult and have a life of your own. Let yourself feel the sadness of this, and let yourself feel sad. You aren’t helping your parents by pretending you are fine.


Seek Help

It’s alright to admit when you need help coping with life’s uncertainties. You don’t have to be a child to need a therapist to help you through something as difficult as your parent’s marriage. This is new territory for you, and you’re not sure how to go about dealing with it. It’s alright to admit help is something you want or need.


There is no right or wrong way to deal with something as delicate and as ugly as the end of a marriage, even if that marriage belongs to someone else and has nothing to do with your marriage. Your parent’s marriage is probably something of an example for you, and seeing it end without any prior knowledge there were any issues is not easy. Just remember that this is not about you, this is not your marriage ending, and this is not a guarantee that no marriage is equipped to last forever.

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